If it is football season — and isn’t it about time it is football season? — then the Son of Swami is back.
Frankly, SOS couldn’t wait to get back to work so he could stop attending idiotic movies with Mrs. SOS, reputed to be the luckiest woman on the face of the earth.
After SOS said that “The Heat” with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy was funny but was not a good movie, Mrs. SOS said: “There was a heartfelt relationship between the two women. But you would have to have a heart to understand that.”
Funny she should mention that because last month Dr. Quack suggested SOS undergo a stress test. (What did he think being around Mrs. SOS 24/7 during her first year of retirement was?)
As a nurse prepared SOS for the test, SOS mentioned he had seen the new recommendation that CPR begins immediately with chest compressions. SOS asked if there was a Code Blue during his stress test, could she forget that and begin with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
Evidently the nurse didn’t see the humor in that, so SOS begins this season with a black eye. But at least he passed his stress test and is now looking to have a heartfelt relationship with Jennifer Aniston, star of “We’re the Millers,” undoubtedly this generation’s “Citizen Kane.”
Before SOS gets himself in any more trouble, here are this week’s top games.
■Grand Rapids Christian at Grand Rapids South Christian, 7 tonight. This is a matchup of last season’s Division 3 champ (Christian) and Division 4 champ (South Christian). Christian is ranked No. 1 overall, but this one will be closer with Christian’s Drake Harris, the state’s No. 1 player, out with an injured hamstring. Christian will have its hands full trying to stop QB Jon Wassink. Onward Christian Soldiers 24, South Steigenga High 21.
Dearborn Fordson vs. Macomb Dakota at Wayne State, 7 tonight. SOS thought the surprise of Week 1 last season was Fordson’s victory over Dakota. So what better way to start this season than with a rematch? Fordson will try to grind it out on the ground and consume the clock, but Dakota’s defense is too good for that. Dakota Fanning 21, Ford’s Son 19.
Oak Park vs. Orchard Lake St. Mary’s at Wayne State, 4 Friday. What a warm-up act for the Cass-Southfield game! This one is good enough to be center stage by itself, like a de Porres-St. Mary’s matchup back in the day. Oak Park has one of the state’s top juniors in do-it-all back John Kelly. If the St. Mary’s defense, which is always tough, can’t stop Kelly, Oak Park will have a field day. St. Mary’s by the Lake 28, Oak Bark 26.
Cass Tech vs. Southfield at Wayne State, 7 Friday. This is a bigger game for Southfield than it is for the two-time defending Division 1 state champs, an opportunity for Southfield to legitimatize its program, which has been on an upswing for the last several years. It will be interesting to see how defensive linemen Lawrence Marshall and Malik McDowell try to disrupt Cass QB Jayru Campbell. Southfield better not forget about RB Mike Weber. Momma Cass 26, Southfield Freeway 20.
Birmingham Brother Rice vs. Cleveland St. Ignatius at Wayne State, 1:30 Saturday. You can’t accuse Rice of ducking anyone when it takes on this powerhouse. SOS became a St. Ignatius believer after it ransacked Warren De La Salle a year ago. Even though St. Ignatius has lost QB Pete Mahoney and Ohio State-bound LB Kyle Berger to injuries, the Cats are loaded. On the bright side, Rice began last season with a loss and won a state title. Iggy & the Stooges 35, Shrimp Fried Rice 21.
Join us Thursday for a live chat during the opening night of Michigan high school football. We’ll have scoring updates, analysis and much more. And if you’re at a game, please tweet score updates with a #mipreps hash tag to keep everyone in the know.