For the NFL Draft we went into a bizarro world where only Blue Water Area high school players could be selected.
You’re never going to believe this (no, really), but the same circumstances are happening with the NBA Draft.
Luckily for the NBA, there’s some talent in the area that teams can’t wait to pick. So, with the first pick of the 2016 NBA Drat, the Philadelphia 76ers select…
1. Philadelphia 76ers: Cody Kegley, Yale. The 76ers “position of need” category might as well be “EVERY POSITION” in all caps. Taking the Times Herald Player of the Year can only help the 76ers, and it will take care of their starting point guard position for the next decade or whenever Kegley demands a trade out of that circus organization. Whatever happens first.
2. Los Angeles Lakers: Geryd Welsh, Port Huron Northern. With Luke Walton stepping in to bring a high-powered offense to LA, they’ll need a guard to pair with D’Angelo Russell to make it work. Welsh can play the up-tempo game and knock down the big shots, so pack your bags and get ready for the Hollywood lifestyle, kid.
3. Boston Celtics: Ben Davidson, St. Clair. Davidson is really a player that can play any position and stretch the floor, making him just another weapon in Boston’s young system. All things considered, this is where you want to be in the lottery as Boston is the only sure-fire playoff team in the top eight.
4. Phoenix Suns: Romeo Weems, New Haven. Here’s another kid that can play any position on the floor and proved he can play them well in another great Rockets season. Not sure if there’s ever been a rising high school sophomore drafted before this, but we’re here to make history, folks.
5. Minnesota Timberwolves: Daniel Everhart, Cardinal Mooney. Learn Spanish, Daniel, because you’ll be running the backcourt with Ricky Rubio. You’ll also be tasked with making Minnesota a) know what basketball is and b) letting them know how to enjoy it. Best of luck.
6. New Orleans Pelicans: Eric Williams, New Haven. Here’s some advice – buddy up with Anthony Davis, and do it quick. That guy is swimming in money, so try to squeeze a few free dinners out of him.
7. Denver Nuggets: Dylan Kiger, Marysville. The Nuggets needs some shooting, but they also could use some defensive help up top as well. Kiger can get it both done and be a leader on the still-growing Nuggets team.
8. Sacramento Kings: Noah Burgess, Capac. Alright, here’s the good news – you’re playing alongside Demarcus Cousins. Bad news – you’re playing in the Kings organization. Just play out that rookie deal and hit free agency ASAP, Noah.
9. Toronto Raptors: Andrew Storm, Marlette. Speed, shooting and slashing make Storm the “triple S threat” that Toronto could use immediately. Say “hi” to Drake for me too, and tell him his newest album was a little disappointing.
10. Milwaukee Bucks: D’Sean Hamilton, Richmond. Milwaukee is in a spot to take on a player in any position, and they also need some shooting help. Boom, let’s bring on Hamilton to keep the promising Milwaukee youth movement going.
11. Orlando Magic: Kodi Badger, Port Huron Northern. Orlando needs someone that will protect the rim like a sitting president, and Badger is the man for the job. It will be dirty work – getting rebounds and swatting shots – but it’s just what the young Magic need to be a playoff contender.
12. Utah Jazz: Adam Job, Armada. The Jazz are looking for a guard, and Job made it clear in his sophomore season he can step up to that challenge. His shooting will also make him a lottery pick, so enjoy yourself playing for the Western Conference team everyone sort of forgets about (sorry).
13. Phoenix Suns: Jermaine Drake, Port Huron. The Suns have three picks in the first round, and they’d be fools not to take the best point guard available at this spot. Drake is a bolt of lightning, and he’ll bring energy back to the court in Phoenix.
14. Chicago Bulls: Ross Hinkley, Marysville. Derrick Rose is out the door, and while Jose Calderon was sent to Chicago in the trade, he’s about 65 years old. Say goodbye to the touch-and-go Rose era, and say hello to the Hinkley era, Chicago.
Outside the lottery quick hits:
15. Denver Nuggets: Michael Proia, Cardinal Mooney
16. Boston Celtics: Danny Hale, Sandusky
17. Memphis Grizzlies: Joe Hagner, Brown City
18. Detroit Pistons: Jeff Mullally, Cardinal Mooney
19. Denver Nuggets (again): Luke McClelland, Yale
20. Indiana Pacers: Chase Churchill, Richmond
21. Atlanta Hawks: Anthony Tavano, Richmond
22. Charlotte Hornets: Cade Smeznik, Yale
23. Boston Celtics (these guys have 400 picks): Will Patsalis, Marine City
24. Philadelphia 76ers: Cameron Parslow, St. Clair
25. Los Angeles Clippers: Fred Lawson, Armada
26. Philadelphia 76ers: Innocent Nwoko, New Haven
27. Toronto Raptors: Aaron Cooney, Carsonville-Port Sanilac
28. Phoenix Suns: Tyler Lee, Port Huron
29. San Antonio Spurs: Mario Mattson, St. Clair
30. Golden State Warriors: Calvin Cook, Brown City