It’s highly unlikely that Troy Elliott will become the next permanent head football coach of the LSU Tigers. You certainly can’t blame him for that, though.
Elliott, who currently serves as the defensive coordinator for an undisclosed middle school football team in Alabama. He is also, apparently, a budding stand up comedian. Here are the reasons he outlined for becoming the next LSU football coach in the letter you see directly above:
— He has led an “impregnable” defense, despite playing opposite an offense led by a coordinator whose playbook was inspired by someone whose name, “rhymes with Spam Spameron.”
— He has been five minutes late to work every day for five consecutive years
— He likes to “put Tony Chachere’s seasoning on everything, including my ice water and communion wafers”
— He has allegedly named his two sons Tabasco and Zatarians
— He has kept his lawn “carefully eaten” throughout the summer
These are all good jokes, and worthy fodder for entertainment of any LSU fan. While they’re unlikely to persuade LSU athletic director Joe Alleva to pull the trigger for Elliot before he tries the likes of Tom Herman and Jimbo Fisher. That’s ok, one of Etowah County’s best will be right there, ready for whenever the Tigers need him and come calling.